"Now let your unfailing love comfort me, just as you promised me, your servant." - Psalms 119:76 NLT
Today would have been my Dad's 77th birthday.
I miss him. A lot.
Not a single day since he went home do I not think about him.
And you know, it's not like I talked to him every day when he was still traveling here on earth. But when he was here, I always knew I could.
Now that he's gone, I can't. And that hurts.
Dad and I didn't always have a great relationship either. Those teen years, well, he really didn't know quite what to do with me and honestly, he was pretty absent for much of that time. He worked 3 jobs trying to put food on the table for us and when he was home, I was holed up in my room, pretending to work on homework.
We both knew that there should have been more, but neither of us knew how to get there.
It was years later, after so many mistakes and heartaches, after my daughter was born, Dad told me how much he regretted those years. And that conversation opened up a relationship and easiness between us that bonded us. Probably stronger because of what it had taken to get to that place.
My heart hurts when I think of the years we missed out on, but I'm so happy for the years we enjoyed. I always told my Dad not to live in the past - we couldn't change it, so why dwell on the regrets? And that's what I hang on to today - the relationship we built, he and I.
As I was on my way to the second ice rink of my day today, yes, my daughter was off school and skating testing and lessons kept us running; a song by Mercy Me came on the radio in the car.
You may have heard it, it's called "Homesick" and every time I hear it, I feel it.
Longing for Heaven. Longing for my real home. Longing for my Dad. And my Grandma. And my best friend.
The longing for Heaven is palpable sometimes. As Christ-followers, this Earth is not our real home, we are simply traveling through on our way to our real home. The Bible calls us aliens and foreigners because of that fact.
The longing for my Dad and my Grandma and my friend Missy hits me like a wave sometimes. Knocking me down and taking my breath away.
But this is where I feel the strength of God's LOVE for me. He picks me up out of the surf and wraps me up in his loving embrace and reminds me that I'm not alone. He has promised us His unfailing LOVE and He NEVER FAILS to deliver it.
Dad, I miss you. I can't wait to see you again at home. I know you don't worry about me because you know that God's got me. He's watching over me Dad, and He brings peace to my heart when it starts to hurt for you. He whispers in my ear to just hold on. Hold on to Him and someday, I'll be home too.
With a Courageous Heart,