Tuesday, October 17, 2017

#metoo - What I'm Thinking



It’s on every social media site these past few days. 
6 keyboard characters that have created a public firestorm out of our private hells. 
And in case you’re wondering, yes, 

#metoo

As I scroll through my account feeds, time and again I see these words posted by friend after friend after friend. 
I want to reach through the screen and hug them tight. 
I want to tell them that what happened to them before doesn’t have to define them now. 
I want to tell them that they are loved and valued and cherished and they are absolutely NOT what someone in their past tried to make them into. 

And for every #metoo I see, I wonder how many more are out there, unseen. 
Their pain and their shame and their fear holding them hostage to a past they don’t know how to escape no matter how much they try. My heart breaks for them. 

I have a lot of thoughts about all of this painful pot-stirring. 
A lot of random thoughts, but the one that’s most insistent in my mind is this:

I may be #metoo but I am not a victim. 
I am a victor. 

The uninvited touching and harassments I experienced as early as elementary school are things that happened TO me. 
Those events caused me fear and shattered my trust in some people and institutions that I’d been taught to respect. 
Those events, in some ways, changed how I viewed the world around me and the men in my life as I grew into adulthood. 
But those men aren’t every man and they don’t represent the men in my life who have loved me and cherished me and valued me. 
Just as those events that happened TO me, in no way, shape or form define me. 

I am not a victim and those events don’t define me because I’ve made a choice. 
A few choices actually. 
Choices that wouldn’t be possible in my strength alone. 

I’ve chosen to look forward instead of behind me. 
My life is in front of me. 
Living in shame and fear and pain only hurts me - and those I love. It has no effect on the ones who caused me pain. 
Their power over me was in the pain they inflicted and I have chosen to not allow them that power by letting them take up space in my head. 
I’d much rather fill that space with joy and grace and peace. 
Characteristics my abusers will likely never understand.

I’ve chosen to use what happened to me to educate my daughter.
To teach her that she is loved and cherished and valued, no matter what. 
I’m not naive by any means, I know that she has been and will be objectified, demeaned and yes, she may yet be abused - God forbid. 
But by teaching her and showing her how to embrace the truth of who she is, and how deeply she is loved, it lessens any power that someone’s evil intentions or actions might have on her. 


I’ve chosen to forgive. 
As someone who has been forgiven so much in my life, I cannot hold back forgiveness for someone else. 
I serve a Jesus who gave up his life so that all could be forgiven for their sins and their shame. 

All. 

It’s a hard truth, but Jesus died for my abusers on the same cross that he died on for me. 

And if I’m being honest, sometimes I hate that truth. 

But I love my Jesus. 
And it’s he who has healed me. 
He who has made me clean and whole and new again. 
He tells me to trust him, to follow him and leave the pain and shame in the past where it belongs. 

My life is in him. 
His grace defines me and he has forgiven me my sin. 
And He calls me to hard things like forgiveness. 
Very hard things like praying for those who have hurt me. 
Praying that they find peace and healing freedom in him as well. 

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve justice - on the contrary. 
We serve a just God who will call all of us to account for what we’ve done.
But forgiveness releases me from the past. 

And because Jesus did the hardest thing for me, I choose to forgive in order to honor him.  





Thursday, January 26, 2017

#WhyIMarch

Tomorrow will be a first for me. 
I'll be attending the March for Life in Washington, DC. 

In my entire life, I have never attended any political rally, speech, march, demonstration, protest, sit-in, sing-in or love-in. Maybe I'd have gone if it were an 'eat chocolate, drink coffee and talk about it-in', but I'm not sure that's a thing. 

In any event, I've always been the armchair commentator. 
You know, the one to talks back to the tv news or scrunches up their face at the newspaper article? Yeah, that's been me - knowing what I think and believe, but never daring to step out and speak up or be seen, with the exception of what I write and share on social media. 
It's really easy to hide behind a computer screen - we see a lot of that every day, don't we? 
Some may say that because I write about my pro-life views, because I post, tweet and share my support for all life from conception to grave that I'm not hiding. 
But in my heart, I know it's exactly what I've been doing. 

And it stops tomorrow. 

Truthfully, I suppose that when tomorrow is done, I still won't have attended a political function. 
To me, the March For Life represents at it's core, a HEART issue, not a political one. 
It's a march for the hearts of our nation. 

The March For Life is necessary because collectively and individually, our hearts have turned to stone. 
We have become consumed by our selfishness and pride as we say "ME first!" "MY choice!" "MY life!"
We refuse to recognize that the LIFE we are foolishly idolizing is a gift to us. 
We are not guaranteed our next breath, yet we demand to inhale and exhale by standards we've chosen. 
We forget that our lives have a purpose and meaning beyond our own selfish desires. 
And in doing so, we ignore the truth that our calling is to love.
To Love God and love people.
And because we ignore our calling, the only life we value is our own.

In our society, many would consider my views to be radical. 
And I will agree in part because of this fact: 
18 years ago, my heart was radically changed by Jesus Christ. 
Jesus, the life-giver, turned my heart of stone into a heart of flesh and gave me back my life from the pit I had drug it into. 
A life that I now willingly choose to live for him. 

Doesn't it strike you as odd that living life as a Christ-follower is considered RADICAL? 
Having a belief that all LIFE is sacred is RADICAL?
I confess, I can't fully comprehend that thinking. 
Not anymore anyway. 

Many of you have read my story, you know about the abortion choices I made a lifetime ago, and I pray every day that you now see Christ in me instead of the broken and lost soul I was before. 
I'm here to tell you that if Jesus chose to love ME, chose to die for ME, chose to rescue ME - with my past and my foolish, selfish choices and my shame, then he surely wants to do the same for you. 
To change your heart and allow it to beat again. 

In October of 2016, I was given the privilege of sharing my story with my church family. 
I've attached the recording for you here:

http://impactchurchnova.com/?sermons=threads-the-gospel-and-abortion

Listen to it and see the reality of how God can work miracles in even the hardest and most broken hearts. 
Share it with someone who may need to hear it. I have no secrets anymore - there is great freedom in that. We all know someone who needs to be free today. Let what God did in my life speak truth into theirs - and yours. 

Abortion is wrong. It is a great evil lie that we as a society have chosen to believe is a right. 
It's the defining tragedy of our time. 
But the greatest tragedy of all are the hearts who choose to refuse the truth of the God who created them. Who refuse to embrace the love and forgiveness he so freely offers. Who choose their heart of stone instead of the heart that beats full from the life-giver, Jesus.

This is #WhyIMarch tomorrow - praying that you will exchange your hearts of stone for ones that beat for LIFE. 


If you are in the Washington, DC area tomorrow and would like to join the March For Life, here is a link to their website for all the official information. 

It was just announced this morning that our new Vice-President, Mike Pence, will be addressing the marchers - the first time ever for our nation. 
Come out and join me, join us. If you cannot, then pray. Pray that God will heal our hearts and that he will heal our land. 




Monday, January 23, 2017

Be Right, or Be Kind?


“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” - Ephesians 4:29

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” - Ephesians 4:32-33

These verses from the Bible are challenging me lately. 
And whether you are a Christ-follower or not, I need you to understand why. 

I’ve sat back over these past months, weeks and days and read the online postings of friends tearing down friends. Pointed quotes and snarky memes, directed at friends, designed to wound, posted in the name of ‘being heard’.
Blocking, unfriending, banning. Friends.

I’ve seen strangers lashing out at other strangers. Over a perceived belief or a poorly worded phrase. Because the screen affords anonymity. Sometimes. But sometimes it goes viral - spreading harsh vitriol that uplifts no one.

I’ve seen media outlets of all descriptions and all sides fostering distrust and suspicion regarding anyone who doesn't agree with their viewpoint. 
I’ve read words shared in anger, hurt, pride, defense, outrage, fear, gloating, pain, self-righteousness and condescension….

And before you say - “Well, it’s a social media problem. You should avoid social media if you don’t want to be affected by it.” 
Just stop. Slam the brakes on that thought. 
It’s not a social media problem. 

It’s a heart problem. 
Our hearts are the source of the conflict. 
Social media, heck - any media - is simply a Roman coliseum experience on steroids where the war is played out for everyone to see. 
Because everyone loves a trainwreck, right? Even as we claim to be shocked by it, we all love to witness the horrific spectacle, moving in for the kill, the fight to the death…..of what? 
Kindness? Civility? Empathy? 
Friendship?
Love?

At what expense?
And for what purpose? 
So we can be right?

Being right will be a cold comfort on the day you realize you are standing completely alone on the mountain you built of your pride and arrogance.

What I have to say here is for everyone - Christian, non-Christian, everyone. 
Christians haven’t cornered the market on kindness, grace and love - these are principles that all of humankind need to live by. 
But because I am a Christ-follower, a Christian, I write, think and feel from that perspective. I use scripture as my guide and I depend on prayer to God to focus and ground me. I daresay if I were Atheist, you would expect that I’d write, think and feel from that perspective, would you not? 
Of course you would. 
And just as many of you would find points of disagreement with the Christian me as you would an Atheist me. 
And there would likely be many points of agreement as well. 
Our problem lies in choosing to focus on the conflicts - because we have the ability to do so. 
But does that make it the right thing to do? 

Sure, we have the ability to be hateful with our words and actions, the ability to slander and bully and berate those who disagree with us. 
But does that make us better people?
It may make us feel better in the moment, but what about when that victory you feel dissipates? When the triumphant brow-beating you delivered fades away? 
Isn’t that a hollow victory when the greater purpose served was in tearing down a friend? In putting a stranger in their place? In teaching them a ‘lesson’?
And what is that lesson exactly? 
How to hate? How to divide? How to destroy?
We humans don’t need that lesson taught to us - sadly, it’s innate.

Kindness, grace and humility are the hard lessons to learn. 
Because they require putting the interests of others before our own. Putting the feelings of others before our own. They require caring about the collateral effect of our words on others.
Kindness, grace and humility do not require that I agree with all the beliefs and life choices of others - agreement shouldn’t be a relationship definer. But when you can enjoy community and relationships defined by an unselfish attitude you can exist in peace even when your beliefs are as wide as the Grand Canyon.

“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” - Philippians 2:3-4

Yes, that’s from the Bible too, as I said earlier, scripture directs me. But for those of you who may not read or believe the Bible - how can you say that it’s bad advice? 
Choosing to live your life as described here doesn’t make you a Christ-follower, but it sure can go a long way towards making you a better person. 

If each of us going forward makes the choice to think before we speak; to stop before we hit ‘send’; to think about how we would want to be spoken to and treated, we can help reverse the hateful path we’ve started down. 

Remember I said at the beginning of this post that the verses from Ephesians were challenging me lately? 
That’s because everything I’ve talked about here has been a struggle for me too. I’m not pointing any fingers without including myself in the mix. 
Just because I follow Christ and try earnestly to live a life that imitates him, doesn’t mean I don’t wrestle with the desire to ‘be heard’. To bite back when I feel attacked. To write snarky, pointed and yes, mean comments and posts. 
And I thank God that most of the time he prevents me from causing pain to others by acting on what I want and feel. 

If you aren’t a Christ-follower, I cannot and should not hold you to a Christ-like standard, and I won’t. But I do hold you to a standard of common decency and respect for your fellow man. I believe it’s what you would expect to receive for yourself and you would not be wrong.

Christian friends, hear me on this - Jesus clearly tells us that we are to Love God and love people. 
In that order. 
If you claim to love God yet you are being unloving or unkind or ungraceful or proud or arrogant or boastful or rude - you are not living out your calling. 
Period. 
So stop it. 
Remember who you are and WHOSE you are. 

We are maligned and mistrusted because we don’t live consistently with what we say is the
truth of who Jesus is. 
And we are called to speak that truth in love
To tell others about the truth of Christ’s birth, life, death, burial and resurrection and that he did it for ALL of us. Everyone.
Just because people don’t agree with or understand our convictions doesn't mean that our calling is any less - the very people who hate us are the ones who need the love of Christ so desperately. 
Our timidity has made us vulnerable and weak - if the world around us is unafraid to be bold about what they believe, why are we afraid to be bold about the love of Christ? 

Kindness, grace, humility. 
Living by those attributes will allow you the space to be bold because it will provide a foundation of trust. The world esteems those who stand firmly within their convictions - even if they don’t share them. 
The loudest and harshest voices in the room hold the attention for a while, but its the soft, beckoning voice of grace that draws the hurting and wounded heart. The hearts that only Jesus can heal. 

“Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ. Then, whether I come and see you again or only hear about you, I will know that you are standing together with one spirit and one purpose, fighting together for the faith, which is the Good News. Don’t be intimidated in any way…..” 
- Philippians 1:27-28a