I've been struggling lately with what to write, what to share.
Some days, there is so much in my head and on my heart, I truly don't know where to begin - so I don't.
Other days, well, there's nothing.
At least, it seems that way.
A few months ago, my daughter told me to just write about what's going on in our life - in the wisdom of her 18 years, she figures that someone out there can relate.
So today, I figure, why not?
To be honest, things have been pretty volatile in our home lately.
We're all on edge quite a bit, and conversations take on the appearance of soldiers avoiding land mines.
It shows itself in the simplest, most benign times - like packing a lunch for school or making breakfast or folding laundry or _______________. (Fill in the blank. I'm sure you've got some too.)
Maybe it's the stress of an almost ready to graduate senior in high school - and all that comes with it, good and bad.
Maybe it's the stress of a Husband ready to retire, looking for his next career, finding the right fit, the cycle of resume and hope.
Maybe it's the stress of a Mom seeing her main job of the past 18 years about to change dramatically, leaving her wondering where her place is gonna be in this world now.
I'm pretty sure it's the combination of all of the above and then some.
Throw in a little 'outside influence' and some 'whoa, I didn't see that coming' and it's the perfect storm of crazy and hurt feelings and disappointment.
I really don't have the ultimate answers and I don't know very much, but what I do know is this:
On the days that I don't like my family very much (or myself for that matter),
I LOVE them fiercely.
They are my tribe, my mess, my pain in the rear, my attitude adjustment and my greatest treasure.
And I know that without question, God has a plan and a purpose in all of this mess.
All of this change, all of this pulling away and pushing back, all of this crazy deadline-filled emotionally charged stress is shaping us for what's to come - and He's right there with us.
So on the days - like today - that I want to scream and hold on to my anger and be the queen of passive-aggressive, I remember that God's got us and I run to him.
My Abba-Father loves me and holds me and whispers in my ear that it's all gonna be ok - just trust him.
And I do.
Can you relate?
Oh Robin, I can definitely relate. Our babies growing up and finding their own wings is hard, actually it is beyond hard it goes against every fiber of our Momma being - adding all the other pressures and stresses and it feels as if the world is against us.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right - our Father has this well in hand - this is just another season for us to muddle our way through - all the while trying to remember that HE loves everyone we love so much more than we ever could. Friendly ears are here to hear and to share. (Momma to 2 who have flown and 1 more the same as yours - graduation and college.) Oh the heart stopping moments follow each one.
Hugs and prayers for you my friend.
I can definitely relate! I am so very sorry that you are having to deal with this!! My heart goes out to you and your entire family! Despite all of the emotional turmoil going on in your house and life, the only person that you have control over is you. Despite how hurt you may feel, do your best to hold back the anger. (Trust me, I know easier said than done.) Maybe look into counseling, just an outside person who is there for your benefit. Maybe the pastor of your church. I wish that I had an answer for you, but I don't. I will add you and your family to my prayer list and pray for you daily. Hugs and prayers for you!! Stay strong my friend!
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