"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens"
- Ecclesiastes 3:1
There's a lot on my "to do" list today.
Too much.
Way more than I'll ever get done today.
I stare at that piece of paper and practically burn a hole through it with my gaze. It's almost paralyzing because there is no clear starting point in the chaos.
That "to do" list is like an annoying splinter in my finger - painful with no relief until it's gone.
And yet, could it also be like a badge of honor I'm carrying around?
Don't we spend copious amounts of time comparing our busy-ness with others?
"Wow, you're so busy, but you'll never believe what I have to get done...."
Yes, it's the game of one-up between Moms and Wives and Friends the world over.
I think we secretly love our "to do" lists.
Love the rush we get when we compare notes and realize that we are WAY busier that our friends.
We love the fact that we are obviously needed more, we can accomplish more - since we have SO much to do, and we are way more important because of it.
Mhmm....
You know, that's a lie.
A big, fat, juicy, throw it on the grill, cook it and eat it kind of lie.
And we fall for it.
Every. Single. Time.
Want to know why?
Because we are filling up the empty space that pride has left behind with busy-ness.
Busy work to distract us from what's really important.
Stuff that we think if we don't get a jump-start on will overtake us and overwhelm us.
Tasks that if we can manage to complete them will finally give us the super-woman cape we've secretly been craving.
We idolize that "to do" list because it makes us feel important and needed and special. And if ours is longer or more complex - we idolize it more.
On Sunday, the guest pastor at our church was speaking about how God hears our prayers in spite of the sin issues in our life.
Hm.
His last point was "in spite of - Service to Idols".
He asked, "Do you know what your idols are?"
"Do you recognize them?"
Good questions.
Very good questions.
So, I asked God about that yesterday.
Is my "to do" list my idol?
Having too much to do?
How often am I too busy for you?
How many times do I say "I'll pray later?"
How often do I read a devotion or listen to music and call that my "quiet time"?
I push you away God - YOU. The most important presence in my life.
The One I claim holds my life together.
Reality is an embarassing truth - I fit in time with you and in your word when I can manage it.
When I have time.
When the conditions are perfect.
This is so humbling.
You managed to find time to DIE for me.
You had time to reach out to me and offer me new life.
And considering how messed up my life was - the conditions were less than perfect.
But you did it anyway -
because YOU love me.
So the question becomes, "How much do I love you, God?"
More than my "to do" list?
With a Courageous Heart,
~~Robin
